Sunday, October 4, 2015

WHAT A MAN WANTS

Antique gentleman's valet stand

WHAT A MAN WANTS:
THE SCIENCE OF HOPES, NEEDS & DESIRES...
Antique Empire Style Gentleman;s Valet Stand

Social legend positions a curious assortment of sources in the form of madams, pimps, prostitutes, social climbers, vixens, boy-toys, gigolo's and even sainted mothers as the golden oracles of a man's innermost passions.  No matter how you shuffle the cards the bottom-line defining what drives the mind behind the manly machine is always the same, sex, power and hunger.  These three elements form a lusty-trilogy that in the absence of a more wholesome model appear to form the key that opens up the cryptic science of what a man wants.

Antique Gentleman's Valet Chair

I think it's safe to conclude that sex plays an integral part in the decision making process for many men.  Long before the likes of Sigmund Freud those who were wise enough to pay attention to human nature certainly observed how closely the choices many men made were linked to sentient and conceptual cues they associated with sex. The modern science of marketing/advertising openly exploits the inherent vulnerabilities of the male libido in order to sell everything from automobiles to underwear, really nothing is sacred. Few men dare challenge this divisive but aesthetically titillating practise and why should they since it lies at the heart of the the capitalistic reality we all prefer. It's something like adding sugar to a bitter medicine.  We ultimately, grudgingly have to part with our hard-earned monies so why not do so with a sex-induced smile on our face?  So understanding what turns a man on, what he considers to be sexy,handsome and beautiful can potentially open a lot of doors for anyone hoping to get into a man's head by placating his lust. Even a novice should understand that it is not enough to know what turns a man on, a man does not need an automaton to mindlessly regurgitate passions he already knows he has.  A man needs someone who can become an artist with their knowledge of his sexual triggers, he needs someone who can pull, stretch, compress and transform them into a continuum of uniquely erotic experiences.  He needs someone who will use their basic understanding of his libido to cultivate and evolve a truly dynamic sexual landscape.

Modern Gentleman's Valet Stand


While not every man is a Type-A personality, a power freak, or a megalomaniac there lay within most men and inherent desire to exercise dominion over their immediate surroundings and physical conditions.  Air conditioning, electric shavers, airplanes door locks, wireless security systems and escalators are primary examples of a man's need to control his environment.  The creation of laws points to the fact that men see the need to organize everything that might potentially come under their dominion and laws have become the instrument of that need to be in control.  Understanding the personal ethical/moral constitution of a man can deliver excellent insight into what that man wants in any given situation.  After years observing the way a man opines, how he qualifies justice and injustice right and wrong it is fair to say that one can draw a profile of that man's concept of power allowing you to predict and understand how he will evaluate situations in the future.  When asking the question what does that man need it comes down to understanding his very nature.  If he is opinionated and likes a good debate he may need someone to challenge him bug if he is a know-it-all he may need someone to agree with him or just remain silent without voicing an opinion of their own or challenging his.  A man needs someone who understands and respects how his mind works who can creatively co-exist without losing their-self to the man.

Antique Gentleman's Valet Stand


If the way to a man's heart and mind is through his stomach, if food-lust as a sort of fortified, condensed, metaphor for power and sex that can be equated to the fuel and driver of a man's personality then it might truly be the fundamental point of entry into the psyche and profile of that man.  It certainly should be a topic of exploration how a man's diet might mirror his personality profile.  While I am sure there is some connexion between a man's diet and his personality, his sex drive and his drive for power I doubt that there is any really consistent pattern linking the three variables.  With men, nothing is that simple.  For instance, you cannot predict that a man who has a taste for exotic foods will also have a taste for sexual opulence.  Furthermore a man who has a varied diet may not be liberal minded or universal in his life philosophy at all.  I don't think it would be a wise or fruitful enterprise to attempt to prove any connexion between a man's diet and his sexual and power appetites, these phenomenon are all quite unique in their own right.  But since a man must eat to survive and since a mans survival becomes so much more pleasant when he does not have to worry about food, when the food he eats is food that he ejoys it would be wise to understand a man's appetite, his culinary likes and dis-likes.  Since hunger does affect a man's personality i guess anyone who desires to see their man happy would make certain that he eats well.  I don't know any man who does not want to eat well.  For some men eating can be a cathartic experience since the chemicals released into the blood stream after consuming foods may simulate a high delivered by opioids or other stimulants or even depressants.  Is it important to know what excites a man's palette? Certainly, yes! Why would anyone interested in understanding and supporting a man ignore the most fundamental necessity for his survival?  If you are interested in understanding a man, any man take time to discover what he likes to eat!

Antique Gentleman's Valet Chair

Fortunately all men are infinitely more diverse than their sexual, political and dietary needs, wants, likes and dis-likes.  But one has to start someplace and what better place than with these three basic human elements.  The purpose of the exercise aimed at understanding what a man needs is to be able to focus empathize with another human being other than yourself as a form of conscious meditation. The goal is to decrease selfishness the objectives are to practise the arts of caring for and accommodating another human beings needs and desires and in so doing cultivating and fulfilling your own desire and need to become your brothers keeper.  Understanding what a man wants should be a liberating experience redirecting energy spent obsessing over personal drama.  It is often that when we are taken out of ourselves we are able to see us the way others do outside when we return.  Stepping out of self really forces us to find self again.  We recognize a different self each time we return.  Had we never left we should not appreciate the task of coming back home.  We bring with us the fine and fulfilling warmth of having selflessly touched another soul and regardless where the relationship goes we can always look back knowing that for our part we did and gave the very best that we were humanly capable of, our conscience can be free..

FIN

BY: BIGDADDY BLUES


Thursday, October 1, 2015

EXPLORING SUSTAINABLE LOVE BY REKINDLING AN OLD FLAME

ANTIQUE WOOD BURNING STOVES

RECONNECTING WITH THE 
LOVE OF YOUR LIFE...


If you are a single mature man who feels he has exhausted his potential with marginal results to show for his efforts at love why not consider re-kindling an old love affair with a former flame. Well... not just any flame but a person whom you have always considered to be the love of your life, the soulmate that got away. That really has to be the main qualifier otherwise why even bother, right?First thing to do is check to see if that distant flame is still single and if so if there remains a latent flicker of affection that could be the kindling of a renewed and revitalized relationship.  Moving forward with the most gentlemanly tact find a classy way to reconnect and if you are so lucky, and I hope you will be, you may rediscover an old soulmate in a completely fresh and positive light.



There are many reasons why revisiting an old affair can be quite logical and potentially positive. There is already an established level of familiarity with a former beau. Now whether there is any trust depends on the manner of your parting... you'll have to carefully think that move out before making it. You want to be certain that you don't just kick up old dust and create a mess.  One of the key elements in revisiting an old relationship that may have gone bad is moving past the old bad experience.  The minute you discover that either of you are stuck in the drama of the past it is a clear sign that past issues remain unresolved so either you both put your heads together as a team to resolve them or call it quits! There is really no good reason to rekindle the mistakes of the past. As a rule it is not advisable to attempt at rekindling a fire with someone whom you badly hurt so consider a former lover that became estranged due to normal circumstances. For example a person with whom you simply lost contact with because both of you were too busy is a prime candidate for revisitation as long as you confirm that you both now have ample time to spend quality time together. As always it's totally your call, but make certain that you are not wasting yours and someone invaluable time. The one asset a mature man should never, ever squander is time.



Love should be sustainable, it can be recycled, revised, reinvented, rekindled. But everything is conditional so there will be some people with which the process of getting familiar again will be easier than others.  With some it may be impossible to reconnect on any civilized level.... that's life! There is no good reason to ignore potentially good resources just because of a foolish saying or fear that you can never go back to a former love interest.  Ask yourself why not?  We experiment with going back to old pleasures in many other ways such as with food, travel, jobs, entertainment, etc., so why not with romance? There is no law that says you cannot try a second time with someone in which you clearly see potential.  Being stubborn about maintaining silly rules such as this can only limit your ability to explore every possibility for happiness and love.  There is absolutely no reason why you should limit your ability to find love from within pastures formerly sewn.

FIN

By BIGDADDY BLUES

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

HOW LIKES AND DISLIKES STRENGTHEN OR WEAKEN A RELATIONSHIP



SOME LIKE IT NOT!

I guess it is our nature to appease; we are inherently intent on providing satisfaction to those who most impress us.  For most men life is a continual struggle to determine what other people like and specifically what they like about us.  We operate as if in a veritable Broadway production garishly decorated with an endless opulence of, “Darling this, Doll-Face that, of Baby-Cakes this and Honey-Lamb that!” as if applying a heavily-sugared glaze to our every action to make it more appealing to our beloveds whomever they may be…  Rather than devote so much effort marketing the hard-selling aspects of our personality to others why don’t we focus on understanding what they don’t like!



Babies, dogs and cats don’t like when we bathe them.  Men don’t like it when we treat them like a child or an emotional woman.  Women don’t like it when a man patronizes them instead of respecting and acknowledging their intelligence and strength.  It seems we spend so much time trying to figure out what people like that we fail to also understand what they do not like. 



It is not enough to have a good sense of what somebody doesn’t like, in order for that knowledge to have any practical usefulness we have to also understand why and develop a strategy to avoid triggering their distaste but managed within reasonable boundaries that support our own self-esteem. In order to maintain a healthy balance we need to actually map a person’s various dislikes and also develop strategies to avoid stimulating them but not obsess about the eventual, incidental times that we forget and actually do something we know a person does not care for.  This means that we are not reduced to walking on eggshells in order to maintain a relationship that appears to be healthy because there are no conflicts.  This also means that others must invest an equal amount of attention to our dislikes as we do theirs.



Paired with the list of dislikes should be a rational component justifying the dislike.  For instance, “my Boo does not like his coffee hot or with cream because it hurts is gums and fillings and because he is also lactose intolerant.” Balanced with, “My Boonkums loves his tea with fresh cream at approximately 120 degrees Fahrenheit and with slightly burnt toast.”  Balanced further with, “my Honey-Bunny knows I like my coffee ice cold and served in a mason jar with one teaspoon of sugar.”  Understanding likes and dislikes should reveal that a person’s dislikes are not always a direct opposite of their likes.  For instance someone may not like rain but they may not like direct sunshine either.  We have to work harder to understand those whom we care for we must pay attention to them and learn to understand why they are the way they are.  We cannot ask their best friends or get the information from Facebook, it has to come from one on one intensive interaction, that is the way human beings should work.



So the next time you go on a date pay close attention and don’t just focus on what that person tells you or appears to like watch them and learn first-hand what they dislike and try to turn that information into a positive…  Cheers!

Fin…

By Bigdaddy Blues

Sunday, July 26, 2015

UNDERSTANDING LOVE AND ITS ABSENCE...



ON THE VANISHING OF A ONCE-PROMISING AFFECTION…
THE BIRTH OF TRUE LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING…





I’ve often wondered why and also how love simply vanishes?  I’ve asked myself,

“If love can be so easily erased then it must never have been really established”.

This revelation led me to finally accept that what I had once imagined to be a promising affection was no more than a mirage.  I realized, (as we often do in the aftermath of a bewildering journey), had I examined it closer every detail would have led me to my final evaluation. But I had always been spot-on with this particular romance, or so I thought...  I realized however that I had enabled a half-baked promise to linger for nearly 6 years pointing it out victoriously each time but never plotting its outrageously intermittent infrequency on a tangible timeline.  Though I knew it was a mirage, a dead thing given life only by my desire to make it alive I never gave it a formal ending.  To do so would ultimately be the death of that once-promising affection even though that once upon a time was now many years past due.  My rational and sensible natures would not allow me to ignore the obvious contradictions between a growing human connection and a series of random events superficially suspended in an equation whose integers refused to close or balance.  Who was this person I had allowed access into my world 2 or 3 times a year and why or rather how could I have maintained such a sophomoric affection for a man about whom I knew virtually nothing?



“We love some men as we do a comforting mirage, we keep them as a handsome image stored floating someplace in our infrequent consciousness…”

The game played by some men who do not have the strength to commit with those who do is to oscillate in the background like a vintage film emulsion.  We see them flicker as a random frame of film but take no notice that that between each flicker are weeks, months and years of blank space… We fill the substantial interstice, the blank space, with the pure fantasy of how we would have liked to have developed a relationship but it is always only a precious little piece of emptiness if that is possible… Oscillation is a seriously dangerous social characteristic, it is a trait typified by behavior which continually moves from place to place because it is too unstable and weak to establish itself any place for a meaningful period of time.  Oscillators keep moving so they can evade observation; they always have an excuse to be inaccessible and they typically contradict their actions by dropping heavily laden language about love and commitment as if to balance the fact that they have neither time nor intent to cultivate either. 



“Love always leaves a positive imprint upon the lives of those whom it touches; anything negative is not the residue of love…”

Therefore, demand that a man with whom you would be partnered spend as much quality time as is needed to build a substantive relationship.  Love cannot vanish if it has never been established!  If you are feeling emptiness it is only because you did not demand a fulfilling relationship and having invested so much time holding the promise of love the only thing you find in your hands is wasted time… not love… because love has volume and energy… never waste time…  Since there is no prescription for love, when or if it should ever appear, you should focus on the building blocks of love such as friendship and trust, integrity because without these fundamentals love cannot grow or flourish…  You should accept when you no longer feel obliged to pursue a relationship because you have no evidence of love… but know also that love is not about sexual attraction, it is possible to be in love but not to be sexually compatible… love is not a literal phenomenon, it is as unique as your ability to understand it…



“love is not sex, it does not need sex in order to exist therefore never abandon true love for sex or because of sex”

The wide-world of possibilities leaves us dangling from a short-string of pure hope…  we can take that string apart and from it weave a longer, thinner string increasing our reach to where we desire or hope to go.  It is not about how much string we have for we will certainly run out of the short string eventually, hope is about the ability to understand what the string represents thereby replacing it with understanding and increasing our scope, our reach to infinity…


FIN




BY BIGDADDY BLUES



Thursday, July 9, 2015

GAY MARRIAGE AND AMERICANISM IN THE 21ST CENTURY

ANTIQUE ITALIAN RENAISSANCE CASSONE
(NUPTIAL CHEST)

THE LEGALIZATION OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE
HAS HELPED RE-DEFINE THE CONCEPT OF AMERICANISM

Many Americans have been forced to confront their personal views about homosexuality now that the Supreme Court has unilaterally endorsed same-sex marriage.  Although the decision was overwhelmingly applauded by Americans as always there is residual camp of mixed emotions.  For some Americans the Supreme Court decision heralded a much overdue confirmation of this countries interest in upholding the civil rights of its taxpaying citizens.  Some Americans may have felt the Supreme Court decision forced an issue upon them for which they had strong moral, ethical and faith-based reservations. There can be no doubt that this historic event represents a complete re-calibration of the course of American culture from its heterocentric traditions, now made official. For those who oppose gay marriage/unions the days following the decision have been spent managing their frustration and in some cases anger.  While it is difficult to understand why anyone would become angered when long-denied liberties are finally gifted to others whom they know have been oppressed we must nonetheless attempt to see the world through their lens lest we succumb to the same myopic phobias. Like so many elements of American culture same-sex marriage/union is yet another phenomenon most people have far too little time to give careful and insightful consideration. The kinds of opinions that can result from a poorly developed understanding of any issue especially realities of the human condition are rarely worthy of our consideration. However, the fact that they exist in quantities sufficient to cause great suffering to others forces us to take them seriously. The twenty-first century has turned many working Americans into virtual automatons focused on paying for our brief but costly existence in this world with little or no time to really contemplate what is happening around us and fewer time and energy to do anything about it.  We are often rudely awakened at unawares to the shrewd dictates of powerful entities who have nothing but money, time and energy to force their agendas upon us.  Rarely does a grass-roots movement like gay rights ever gain sufficient momentum to effect political change.  Who would have thought 35 years ago when the AIDS Pandemic began to decimate the gay population by the millions that they would rise up to replace their grim preparations for certain death with a fresh optimism opening with their newly earned right to legal marriage and civil unions? How magnificently life has changed its course!

As a writer I must pose the question: 

“Is America’s attention span long enough to properly comprehend the fundamental and immediate change that legal gay marriage/union brings to human civilization”?

I ask this important question because I understand how impotent a law can be if it is not understood and philosophically embraced by everyone and by mainstream culture. Take as an example Emaciation which became eroded by Jim-Crow and other antisocial, pathological socio-cultural and economic practices that evolved in direct reaction to the freedoms gifted to Black Americans because there was no real buy-in by the very ones who liberated them. 

Gay marriage/union dissenters are clearly on the wrong side of the track forged by recent trends of the past 4 decades leading to the legalization of same-sex marriage/union.   Everyone who had been paying attention to mainstream American culture in the late twentieth and early twenty-first century would say that it had been clear for many decades that gay marriage was on the main menu and its energy consistently gained positive momentum toward its goal. It can be said that America's Procrustean struggle accepting the civil rights of Black Americans has enabled them to be more receptive to the recent freedoms won by the LGBT community in Americas courts.  Yes, indeed, the LGBT community owes its smoother struggle and success to the pioneering efforts of the Black American community whether it admits it or not! Likewise the American Civil Rights Movement which has had an overwhelming focus on the issues of Black Americans and other ethnic groups must concede to embrace the LGBT community as family, elevating them within their ranks as brothers in the same cause of humanity!  This is not an idealistic fantasy it is a recipe for success having the strength to unify allies against the forces of bigotry and hate in America, a culture that is very much alive and well and one that always capitalizes on the division of its foes...

For my second question i ask: 

“Is it possible to bring those who oppose gay marriage/union into the spirit of the age”?  

Same-sex marriage/union dissenters have turned their minds away from the big picture of contemporary human civilization back to a time that is no longer culturally relevant and that trend is a troubling phenomenon around the globe. There is an inherent problem with the ideological regression to a time when people were denied the civil rights they enjoy today because one cannot exist in both of those worlds without resurrecting biases that have been long buried in the past.  How could one justify the energy spent on a journey to resurrect old evils when there are more than enough humanitarian causes such as homelessness, illiteracy and poverty to entertain and nourish the soul?  As a man of 53 years I have finally accepted and respect that men who I must respect because of their freedom of choice, can and will chose a path of evil over good if for no other good reason than because they can. In times of rapid social and technological progress it is typical to see romantic movements arise aiming to balance what they see as an imbalanced equation tipped by a social phenomenon they view as evil simply by turning history backwards.  Such Nipenthean solutions which can be thought of only as “Social Romanticism” or more accurately, "Retrosocial Romanticism"can only delay, (if they make any difference at all), a major systemic change that is already set on an irreversible course toward realization.   

IT WAS AN ITALIAN RENAISSANCE TRADITION FOR THE CASSONE TO PRESENTED AT THE TIME OF MARRIAGE

 Retrosocial Romanticism chooses to ignore and suppress important, mainstream movements in the evolution of human civilization which it deems to be evil in an attempt to create a Utopian reality where it's votaries can pretend to escape/avoid the influence of the "evil" word until they can either warm up to assimilating it's changes or resting change, stubbornly  perish in a self-imagined heroic act mortal rebellion. Flying the confederate flag 150 years after the Civil War was lost is a good example of Retrosocial Romanticism at its worst.  To many same-sex marriage/union dissenters it is not enough to hate or resent the legalization of gay marriage in America.  Human nature typically objectifies its anger through blaming setting out to punish the blamed.  I do not know why anyone would want to return to a time when other human beings were being  brutally oppressed other than to compensate their own insecurity but we must operate knowing there will be many cases in which members of the LGBT community are attacked as part of a backlash against their newly earned freedom. There are many historical precedents of this kind of reactionary social regression and it is always marketed as a benevolent and wholesome brand of conservative fundamentalism steeped in family and religious values.  Apparently,  these social malcontents have never considered whether murdering, discrimination against, and socially demoralizing their own brothers and sisters represents positive family values. Well, that is precisely why the laws have been changed and now comes the proving ground to test the ability of these laws to effectively protect those whom they were designed to protect.  It is idyllic and even naive to expect those who strongly oppose gay rights today to understand, respect and protect them.  There is and may always be an organized community of people who hate the LGBT community and blame them for the woes of the world.  As Black Americans have had to do so must the gay community accept this grim reality transforming it into a n incentive to overcome the odds. Within the big picture of civilized, rational thought neither gays or our legal system should be held to blame for the legalization of same-sex marriage/unions because the catalyst for this revolutionary socio-cultural phenomenon lay at the very soul of humanity.  This is why the American Civil War was fought so bitterly, it's passion to perpetuate or  to end one of the greatest evils of the world, human enslavement, was an evocation of the very soul of humanity.  We certainly cannot blame the human spirit for wanting to be free.  Even god knows that every man desires to be free. Because of incandescent events in human socio-cultural history such as the Emancipation of Black American slaves and the legal victories of the Civil Rights Movement we can truly say that some Americans know what it means to wrest their liberty away from tyrants to be free.  By virtue of their continual struggle these people should also understand that freedom is never free, it comes at a cost and that cost must be paid as long as freedom is enjoyed.

RICHLY CARED CASSONE REFLECTED THE WEALTH OF THE MARRIED FAMILY


On the global scene gay marriage has been legally established in many developed countries for over a decade.  But the world has been eyeing the Supreme Court as a if it is a beacon of universal freedom, such at least is its reputation even though it might be argued that America home of the free has been resting on its laurels.  Considering its diversity America is way overdue regarding the legalization of gay marriage, (as it was with slavery, women’s rights, labor laws and civil rights), compared to other countries who courageously pioneered those movements.  If one makes the argument that this is because America is a conservative nation then what metaphor does one evoke under the judicial robe of  national conservatism other than institutionally entrenched racism and bigotry. The queer doubleentendre that is implied and evoked by he utterance or idea of American branded conservatism speaks for itself! American liberalism has had and will continue to have a formidable battle against conservatism.  The conservative movement assumes everything is Okay, it has falsely made that assumption with Black American and Gay rights...   Gays cannot be blamed for exercising their right to fight within the egalitarian legal system of the United States to win their right to marriage.  Black Americans cannot be blamed for diligently struggling to win their natural freedoms, human and civil rights. Likewise, the Supreme Court cannot be blamed for upholding its duty to ensure that the rights of all American citizens gay, straight or otherwise are protected and that those protections do not include treading upon the natural rights of others.  This leaves the blame, (if any blame can be made), on the American social structure for selling the flawed belief that only heterosexual people are worthy to enjoy legal marriage. 

CASSONE HELD VALUABLE TREASURES OWNED BY THE MARRIED COUPLE


Civil Rights Leaders have avoided the obvious relationship between the Gay Movement and the Civil Rights Movement for decades but the two are intimately intertwined.  The same socio-cultural barriers have haunted both camps yet the voracious with which western culture has demonized homosexuality over the past two-thousand years has rendered it philosophically impossible for the leaders of The Civil Rights Movement, (entrenched in judo 'Christian dogma), to acknowledge the clear brotherhood they share. To the extent that those mid-twentieth-century mistakes have been rectified by the Supreme Court ruling in 2015 both camps may now draw sighs of relief.  I like to marvel at the idea of same-sex marriage/union as an utterly unique and revolutionary event in human history.  As far as we know in the roughly 100,000 years that human beings have existed on this planet the issue of gay marriage has never been formally addressed by any civilization to the extent that it was codified as a protected right within their laws.  While The United States of America basically pioneered one of the first successful large-scale modern experiments with egalitarian freedom it has consistently failed thereafter to take the lead in many critical issues of basic human and civil rights, resting or perhaps sleeping on its laurels/morals.  By establishing a unilateral network of Retrosocial and Cultural Romanticism on July 4, 1776 America using media, militia and malice to sell the illusion of its sanctity successfully suppressed criticisms for over two centuries while it engineered and institutionalized an iron-clad system of racism against many ethnic groups contributing to its prosperity with whom that prosperity was not shared.  The American way became the patented hallmark for a style of racism and bigotry hidden beneath a pall of Americanisms which blatantly ignored racial, sexual and ethnic diversity and equality.  This engine of inequality is the product of a powerful social overlay whose foundation has been a hateful philosophy manufactured to support racism justified as divine right but masquerading as Christian fundamentalism.  To this extent, slavery, racism, sexism and the like have been perpetually justified and legally enforced by the laws of these United States.  After nearly 100 years of dormancy following the emancipation of Black American slaves the momentum of unresolved issues began to grow during the mid-twentieth century civil rights movement. Although suppressed beneath the issues of Black American freedoms the long burning questions of the sexual revolution including same-sex unions/marriage poised themselves for eminent discussion but were ignored.  A later iteration of national guilt for ignoring gay rights manifested in the weird proclamation marketed as, "Don’t ask don’t tell". This latent movement was a clear effort to suppress the incendiary issue of gaiety beneath a Nipenthean stupor.  There would have been no logical reason to ask Americans to suppress their feelings about homosexuality it if were not already an appetitive entrĂ©e on the social menu of the national mood.  Don't ask don’t tell was all about appeasement of the national mood!  Don’t ask don’t tell, make no mistake, was also a multimedia scheme designed to prepare America for the eventuality of same sex marriage sanctioned by the federal government. Fortunately its clumsy method of introduction did not plunge same-sex marriage and gay rights in general into a chasm of limbo.  The LGBT community was rightfully angered by its crudeness and this anger is really what launched a full-scale movement to get it right by going for nothing less than 100%. Ask or don't ask as you like but don't ask or expect me not to tell and if I do as a tax ping American citizen let the world know you've got my back!



Can we blame Clinton and the American government for managing gay rights with a clumsy agenda?  Not really since those issues had historically been considered absolutely untouchable and irrelevant.  Neither should we place fresh laurels upon their brows for paying on a long overdue balance. They acted because they were pushed by activists and by a shift in human cultural evolution so place that gilded diadem upon the brows of the common man! Agendas can be crafted to cater or to ignore an issue regardless of its importance.  It is arguable that it is equally problematic to bother recognizing an issue under an exclusive agenda but weaken it's power by dancing around the fundamental elements that give life to it.  Going perpetually around the mulberry bush ultimately causes the soul of the argument to seem virtually invisible.  In other words, if it was always OK to be gay as long as you didn’t admit it publicly its social culpability could not be rationalized least  of all condoned under the condition of sworn secrecy.  How could something be good only under the condition  that nobody knew it existed? This begs the question, “Why or how could it ever be acceptable  to pretend to be something you are not, (outside of the CIA), when everyone else knows you are pretending?  I know that “Don’t ask don’t tell” was theoretically designed to be a preparatory measure slowly warming America up to the reality that gay rights and marriage were a thing of the very near future.  I think the message was deliberately very shady, scary even foreboding.  I think that is why the LGBT community wrestled down this clumsy lead and pushed with all its might to open the door of freedom the right way honestly earning it at the end of a long and difficult fight.  People have a way of resenting something when they feel it has been sneaked into being behind their backs.  People respect a man who honestly states his intentions at the front door rather than resorting to barn-side circus antics to bamboozle them with see-through magic tricks. The law has fortunately always been clear even though it was never applied which is why the Supreme Court was compelled to legalize gay rights and same-sex marriage/unions.  The social mood of America has been allowed to founder precariously between a cacophony of irrelevant religious arguments which should have had no bearing in a country that only pretends to separate church from state if the state had actually bothered to live up to its claims.  The LGBT community has had to battle heterocentric cultural traditions assumed to unequivocally define the institution of marriage manhood, womanhood and Americanism in general redefining that spurious model heretofore epitomized as the order of all things. This is because America has created a socially bigoted culture and is now being forced to extricate itself from the ruins of a nearly failed democracy.  America it appears is being redefined again, its corrupt carcass is being ground down to a fine powder and the liquid vehicle of diversity is being added to give it neo-plasticity so that future generations can refashion it into something beautiful!  I hate to draw upon the image of the cracked liberty bell as a metaphor for a new reconstruction of American values.  But the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries have been like indomitable foundries melting every atom of that bronzed monolith of failed egalitarianism.  Now we await the fashioning of a proper mold to pour our molten freedoms into, casting a culturally relevant icon that America might again have a true symbol of liberty!

FIN


Written by Bigdaddy Blues


Sunday, June 21, 2015

IS SEX WITHOUT ANOTHER HUMAN SUPPLEMENT, SURROGATE, OR IS IT JUST SEX?


ANTIQUE CHINESE OPIUM PIPE

AT WHAT POINT (IF ANY) IS SEX
NO LONGER SEX?

ANTIQUE CHINESE OPIUM BURNER

When we speak of sex, classical sex, most people mean a positive physical sexual interaction between two or more human beings.  It seems that the pervading definition falls along traditional lines, “within a sexual act at any given time one person is the giver of pleasure and the other is the recipient”, so let it be temporarily defined.  Life is about nothing if it is not about both defining and redefining reality and what we perceive reality to be. Physicality, the human touch, appears to be central in our classical understanding of sex.  But the use of sexual accessories, inanimate objects incapable of any real psychical connection to a human being seem to break the flow of erotic energy, interceding a new and perhaps questionable dynamic into our concept of physical sex.  If sex certainly exists between two human beings can it also exist between a human being and an inanimate object?

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During sex a person administering artificial stimuli  via a sex object does not themselves feel anything.  But there may be some emotional, erotic connection that somehow replaces the negative physicality.  How can this phenomenon be measured and more important should it be?  Is it an altogether superfluous concept?  By pondering the possibility that sex between a human and an object may be somehow aberrant are we delving into the realm of sexual bias and prejudice based on what we perceive as traditional sex between two people? Can we ask at what point, if any, does human sexual desire begin to replace the human element such that it no longer really qualifies as sex? At what point do we enter a sexual realm that closely approaches that of the Stepford Wives?

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For as long as I have been having sex its intensity, its vivacity, its explosiveness was always been directly proportional to the person with which I was having sex.  It was their physicality, their touch, voice, olfaction anything and everything else was purely incidental.  But my sexual understanding is certainly not the benchmark of human sexual experience.  Who am I to attempt to define the threshold of human sexuality and its theoretical opposite?  Obviously I find it fascinating that some people can experience fulfilling sex without any human interaction whatsoever relying totally on a myriad of visual and technical/mechanical aids.  

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I do realize that in some instances due to circumstances that we cannot specifically isolate here many people must rely on artificial means in order to achieve sexual stimulation.  Certainly it cannot be wrong for them to be able to enjoy sex as those of us who can do with another human being.  As I remember it was while conversing with a gentleman friend the thought occurred to me that at some point a person who enjoyed artificial stimuli might begin to disassociate themselves from all human interaction but still be able to achieve sexual fulfillment.  The burning question that hovered over my consciousness thereafter and to this day has been whether or not a 100% deviation from mutual human stimulation is sex?  Again, I put myself into check mate realizing that there is a population of humans who through some physical impairment or other cannot have what we call “Normal” sex and have to rely on some artificial means for fulfillment.  It would be inhumane to disqualify their experience as nonsexual!  And how on earth should you or I know anyway?  It is not our place to judge this phenomenon with such absolution.

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Certainly a person who is able to achieve fulfilling sexual pleasure and/or orgasm completely without any human interaction is not a model of classical sex, so is what they are having actually sex?  Are there qualifiers?  A person who never, ever desires sex with another person, a person who desires human interaction 50% of the time, 25% of the time… what is the threshold of classical sex?  Hell, what is classical sex anyway?  Why would I even venture to ponder such machinations when it is clear that sex is just sex? Perhaps it is my natural curiosity about human sexuality that causes me to explore what appears to be the opposite or alternate of what I envisage human sexuality to be.  The reality is while I see sex as a simple equation of flesh to flesh that is just not the way many other human beings see it. The adjustment to reality is all mine to make!  Now, that alone forces me to realize that while I might ponder this phenomenon with a great imagination and openness it might remain a virtue I can never truly understand.  So I accept the possibility that I might be biting off more than I can chew or that I might be barking up the wrong tree and that I should perhaps leave this subject alone, but I won’t!  I will not be satisfied until I feel it has been thoroughly explicated.

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You see there is no right or wrong here… definitions can be applied but at the end of the day sex is always going to be sex!  If I have learnt anything in my brief life about sex it is that it cannot be contained or fully defined, it is as unique and diverse as humanity itself.  It is none of my business if someone chooses to achieve sexual pleasure in the absence of any human presence.  Yes, there are certainly moral and ethical concerns that would immediately make sci-fi scenarios like the Stepford Wives absolutely inappropriate.  But after we have giggled the last scene away we realize that the Stepford Wives did have a sexual agenda, it was selling the concept of traditional sex over what it judged to be artificial sex.  It dictated to us that sex between two human beings is always going to be better than sex between a human being and an inanimate object.  For the most part I agree but tell that to someone who swears to the joys and virtues of artificial sex.  

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We don’t have to enslave our spouses and modify them turning them into cyborgs in order to achieve sexual bliss but we should not discount the possibility that we may be able to appreciate sexuality with a partner other than a human being.  In the future this possibility may present itself and we as humans must be able to rise to the challenge.  Mark your calendars, it has been discussed here.  Yes there is a distinct deviation from the classical sense of human sexuality when men have sex with machines but sex has always been about deviations from the norm.  So my conclusion is that there is not a certain point at which sex is no longer sex, even if it no longer involves two or more human beings working together to provide one another with physical pleasure and emotional feedback. In the classical sense it is most desirable because that is the way humans have principally had sex for the past 100, 000 years as a species.  It really comes down to ones man’s preference being the deciding card.  So if you take the human element out of the equation, there will be no word of protest from me, I wish you all the best for when it comes to understanding what most brings  you pleasure I must leave that determination to you…  “NOBODY KNOWS  BETTER WHAT TURNS YOU ON BUT YOU”!

FIN


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