ON THE VANISHING OF A
ONCE-PROMISING AFFECTION…
THE BIRTH OF TRUE LOVE
AND UNDERSTANDING…
I’ve often wondered why
and also how love simply vanishes? I’ve
asked myself,
“If love can be so easily erased then it must never have been
really established”.
This revelation led me to finally accept that what I had
once imagined to be a promising affection was no more than a mirage. I realized, (as we often do in the aftermath
of a bewildering journey), had I examined it closer every detail would have led
me to my final evaluation. But I had always been spot-on with this particular romance,
or so I thought... I realized however
that I had enabled a half-baked promise to linger for nearly 6 years pointing
it out victoriously each time but never plotting its outrageously intermittent
infrequency on a tangible timeline. Though
I knew it was a mirage, a dead thing given life only by my desire to make it
alive I never gave it a formal ending. To
do so would ultimately be the death of that once-promising affection even
though that once upon a time was now many years past due. My rational and sensible natures would not
allow me to ignore the obvious contradictions between a growing human
connection and a series of random events superficially suspended in an equation
whose integers refused to close or balance.
Who was this person I had allowed access into my world 2 or 3 times a
year and why or rather how could I have maintained such a sophomoric affection
for a man about whom I knew virtually nothing?
“We love some men as we do a comforting mirage, we keep them
as a handsome image stored floating someplace in our infrequent consciousness…”
The game played by some men who do not have the strength to commit
with those who do is to oscillate in the background like a vintage film
emulsion. We see them flicker as a
random frame of film but take no notice that that between each flicker are
weeks, months and years of blank space… We fill the substantial interstice, the
blank space, with the pure fantasy of how we would have liked to have developed
a relationship but it is always only a precious little piece of emptiness if
that is possible… Oscillation is a seriously dangerous social characteristic,
it is a trait typified by behavior which continually moves from place to place
because it is too unstable and weak to establish itself any place for a
meaningful period of time. Oscillators
keep moving so they can evade observation; they always have an excuse to be
inaccessible and they typically contradict their actions by dropping heavily
laden language about love and commitment as if to balance the fact that they
have neither time nor intent to cultivate either.
“Love always leaves a positive imprint upon the lives of those whom it
touches; anything negative is not the residue of love…”
Therefore, demand that a man with whom you would be
partnered spend as much quality time as is needed to build a substantive
relationship. Love cannot vanish if it
has never been established! If you are
feeling emptiness it is only because you did not demand a fulfilling
relationship and having invested so much time holding the promise of love the
only thing you find in your hands is wasted time… not love… because love has
volume and energy… never waste time…
Since there is no prescription for love, when or if it should ever
appear, you should focus on the building blocks of love such as friendship and
trust, integrity because without these fundamentals love cannot grow or
flourish… You should accept when you no
longer feel obliged to pursue a relationship because you have no evidence of
love… but know also that love is not about sexual attraction, it is possible to
be in love but not to be sexually compatible… love is not a literal phenomenon,
it is as unique as your ability to understand it…
“love is not sex, it does not need sex in order to exist therefore never
abandon true love for sex or because of sex”
The wide-world of possibilities leaves us dangling from a
short-string of pure hope… we can take
that string apart and from it weave a longer, thinner string increasing our
reach to where we desire or hope to go.
It is not about how much string we have for we will certainly run out of
the short string eventually, hope is about the ability to understand what the
string represents thereby replacing it with understanding and increasing our
scope, our reach to infinity…
FIN
BY BIGDADDY BLUES
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